I Don't Dance
by Howard Bamboo
Summary: Kurt and Puck don't see eye-to-eye regarding the Single Ladies dance. Set during Preggers, one-shot, Puck/Kurt friendship


"I am _not _dancing to Single Ladies, okay? I'm not a faggot," I snap.

"You think I am?" Finn asks.

"No... Well, kind of. You're in _glee club_," I say, spitting out the word.

"You danced in the Acafellas," he insists, ignoring the fact I called him a homo.

"That's different. That was to score with the ladies," I tell him.

"This is going to help us score in a game, Puck. We are the worst team in the history of McKinley High. If dancing can help, we should accept it," my best friend tells me.

--

We go to the park after school with the rest of the football team.

Yes, even Kurt.

"Baseball?" he asks.

"Yes. It's a technique Mr. Schue taught us about loosening up," Finn explains.

"You don't have to play," I growl.

"Nah, I'm in. I'm a pretty good pitcher," Kurt smiles.

I laugh.

_This kid things he can play ball with _us?

"Fine," I say, shrugging.

Five minutes later, teams are chosen.

I'm first up to bat, Kurt's pitching.

"_Hey, batter, batter, hey batter, batter swing,_" he sings.

I'm instantly reminded of a movie I watched with my little sister.

Gay kid's pitching, best friend of the singer guy's batting, gay kid insists the best friend guy can dance.

Best friend guy has cool hair.

Cool. Life imitates art.

If you can call that piece of unmitigated crap "art".

I laugh.

The song from this scene in the movie floods into my head.

The little sis listened to it every night for two months.

"_I've got to just do my thing_," I sing, forgetting all of the people around.

Kurt gives me a smile and begins to sing as well.

_"I'll show you that it's one and the same:  
Baseball, dancing, same game.  
It's easy:  
Step up to the plate, start swingin'."_

He's kidding right?

This is crazy.

He raises his eyebrow, challenging me to sing the next verse.

I can't back down from a fight.

No matter how fruity it is.

_"I wanna play ball now, and that's all.  
This is what I do.  
It ain't no dance that you can show me_."

My teammates give me wide-eyed looks.

Screw them.

They all know my little sister.

She's forced them to watch this movie too.

"_You'll never know it you never try_," Kurt sings, bringing me back into reality.

_"There's just one little thing that stops me ev'ry time, yeah."  
_

"_Come on!_"

"_I don't dance," _I declare.

"_I know you can."_

He so does. Everyone in that glee club thing knew I was apart of the Acafellas thing.

_"Not a chance."_

_"If I could do this, well, you could do that."_

He demonstrates by throwing a curveball, catching me off guard.

Strike one.

_"But I don't dance."_

_"Hit it out of the park!" _he sings, throwing the ball once more.

A fastball. Too fast for me.

Strike two.

_"I don't dance._"

_"I say you can."_

_"There's not a chance."_

_"Slide home, you score, swingin' on the dance floor."_

_"I don't dance, no."_

_"Hey, batter, batter, hey batter, batter swing."_

_"I've got to just do my thing."_

_"Two-steppin', now you're up to bat.  
Bases loaded, do your dance.  
It's easy:  
Take your best shot, just hit it_," Kurt challenges.

My mind flashes to a Pat Benatar song for a moment.

Hit me with your best shot.

Oh, I'd totally hit Kurt.

_"I've got what it takes, playin' my game, so you better spin that pitch you're gonna throw me, yeah  
I'll show you how I swing."_

"_You'll never know it you never try_," he sings.

_"There's just one little thing that stops me ev'ry time," _I sing.

I notice Finn's mouth agape, something I hadn't seen since the day Slushie Girl didn't wear knee socks.

I swear he has a thing for her.

I don't see why. She's a neo-maxi zoon dweebie.

But then again, she's in glee club with him. They have something in common._  
_

"_Come on!_"

"_I don't dance_."

"_I know you can."_

_"Not a chance."_

_"If I could do this, well, you could do that."_

_"But I don't dance."_

_"Hit it out of the park!" _

_  
"I don't dance._"

_"I say you can."_

_"There's not a chance."_

_"Slide home, you score, swingin' on the dance floor."_

_"I don't dance, no."_

The rest of the football team looks on as Kurt begins to dance.

_"Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance.  
Swing it out, spin around, do the dance,_" he sings.

_"I wanna play ball, not dance hall.  
I'm makin' a triple, not a curtain call_."

_"I can prove it to you til you know it's true, cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too."_

He sure can.

_No one _can strike me out.

Mainly because I charge the pitcher, bring the bat.

_"You're talkin' a lot; show me what you got. STOP."_

_"Swing!_" we harmonize.

Kurt launches into the Single Ladies dance.

_"That's what I mean; That's how you swing_."

_"You make a good pitch but I don't believe."_

_"I say you can."_

_"I know I can't."_

_"I don't dance!" _we sing.

He starts moving my limbs for me so I'm doing the dance.

_"Nothin 'to it. Atta boy, atta boy. Yeah," _he sings.

"_Hey, batter, batter, hey batter, batter what?" _I laugh, moving my arms and legs myself.

_"One, two, three, four, everybody swing! Come on!"_ Kurt exclaims.

Mike, Finn, and Matt join us in our dancing.

"_I don't dance_."

"_I know you can."_

_"Not a chance."_

_"If I could do this, well, you could do that."_

_"But I don't dance."_

_"Hit it out of the park!" _

_  
"I don't dance._"

_"I say you can."_

_"There's not a chance."_

_"Slide home, you score, swingin' on the dance floor."_

_"I don't dance, no,"_ I sing, ending the song completely.

Kurt and I high-five, laughing.

"Faggots," one of the second-stringers coughs.

"Do you want a punch in the face, dickwad?" I snarl.

He knows I mean it.

"Sorry, Puck," he apologizes, knowing if he doesn't I'll give him a patriotic wedgie.

"Yeah, you better be fucking sorry. And I am in _no _way a faggot. Because you know what I did last weekend?"

"What?" he asks.

"Your mom," I reply. "C'mon. Finn, Kurt, Mike, Matt. Let's go."

As we walk away from the rest of the team, Kurt says: "Thanks for sticking up for me."

"No problem. We're teammates, right? That's what we do."

* * *

**A/N: After two-and-a-half years, I forgot how much I liked this song.**

**And I totally thought it would apply based on how Mr. Schue made Finn and Puck loosen up.**

**And the fact that Kurt and Puck are fitting in the roles of Ryan and Chad respectively.  
**

**I do not own anything.  
**


End file.
